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my alcatraz

March 12, 2009

you always wanted to move to oregon.  i haven’t been there yet, but san fran seems like the kind of place you imagined oregon to be: breezy, quiet, beautiful.  a city of character.  i think of your friend david, who loved you, who you went searching for years later, who made you feel better about the scars on your hands by saying they gave you character.  i wish i could’ve known him.  and i wish you could’ve known san fransisco.  i think of alcatraz, of being kept away from the people you love the most, with nothing but time to think of them.  i can relate to that, in a way.  lately i feel like my mind is my alcatraz, a place where i’m locked away and i can never see you or talk to you, only think of you day after day after day.  

 

standing near the top of the marin headlands, i almost spoke to you, but i was afraid.  that you wouldn’t be listening.  that you weren’t there.  and i would be talking to the ether, my meaningless words carried out to the sea like a garbage truck to a landfill.  if i don’t speak, if i stay in this cell in my mind, if i don’t try to escape from alcatraz, you might still be out there somewhere.  the danger of light is that it makes you see what’s there, or what isn’t.  i’m not ready to leave the darkness of solitary.  i’m not ready to see that you’re not there.

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. March 12, 2009 8:09 pm

    Beautiful.

  2. Alecia permalink
    March 12, 2009 8:20 pm

    Love the metaphor of the mind being a prison we can escape from, but are afraid to. I can relate a little I think.

    Fave line:

    “the danger of light is that it makes you see what’s there, or what isn’t. i’m not ready to leave the darkness of solitary.”

    Brilliant.

  3. preciousmanly permalink
    March 12, 2009 9:12 pm

    Aw, buddy. Alcatraz is stupid. Come back to dumb reality.

  4. preciousmanly permalink
    March 12, 2009 9:13 pm

    I miss her too.

  5. March 12, 2009 11:46 pm

    beautiful piece walt. I love the Marin Headlands, I stayed at an amazing hostel out there last year. I hope you are happy.

  6. Jeanne permalink
    March 13, 2009 5:23 am

    Now I see what you mean, more, by the fact that you can’t get Alcatraz out of your head. The island of the birds. Only they hear the screams, the sighs, the frustrated whispers and the lost voices. Maybe they can even hear our unspoken thoughts.

    We are a mess inside. Me and you and all these other ENTJs. Grey. Lost. Confused.

    Jahred told me, last night, that we are all a mess inside. I think he’s right. We are just over-messed.

    The Waters and the Shadow:
    http://books.google.com/books?id=NfEOAAAAYAAJ&pg=PA59&lpg=PA59&dq=les+miserables+man+overboard&source=bl&ots=aRVP-pnOj2&sig=6EO34Tatg8s1OuPBDh-_nJoYYcU

    If this link doesn’t work, let me know. I want you to read that metaphor from Les Mis.

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